REAL New Job!

Ok. So I am not an underpaid, hungry iron labourer in India. But I could be. But I'm not. I am a comfortable North American who drinks lattes from Starbucks, each one costing the same amount as one of those real iron workers get paid daily.

The truth is, my new job is a little different. I am going to be managing a small garbage removal and salvage business. It's cleverly named 'Junk Removal', just so no one will mistake it for any other business. Like anyone could. Although, I guess it could also mean someone who performs surgeries that turn men into women. And suppose I could do that as well... if that's what it will take to be successful; but I would need an overproof fifth and I wouldn't be happy about doing it.

So basically, I will show up (handsome and well-deported, of course) and cart away your crap. I can also do small yard clean-ups and minor demolition. I sort through your rubbish and salvage anything I can make from it.
Among things I can take are:

1. Shingles
2. Drywall
3. Dirt and wood
4. Old furniture and electronics
5. Appliances
6. Bodies (but must be less than three days dead)
7. Bits
8. Knicks
9. Knacks
10. Odds
11. Ends (but ends must under 2500lbs)

Tipping fees and hourly rates apply of course. And we are not responsible for property damage or client and customer bodily injury or death; nor to pets or children. We also do not indemnify for any other destruction or legal costs pursuant to any employee actions.

As it is I have been imparted to one end, and that is to make this company a success; so I will do whatever I have to make some money and drum up business. So prepare to be deluged with Junk Removal flyers and signs, Halifax! I am here to stay, you bastards! Yee HAW and GOD BLESS AMERICA!