Zombie Education

After a few days in a funk, I am back. Something has been on my mind for a while, something that I had let slip, something I had perhaps become too complacent with. Yes, for those who know me, know me as one who knows quite a bit about the Great Zombie Threat!

I spent too long worrying about the dull minutiae of my life for the last year or so, distracted to the real dark worry of my life, and that is zombies. People typically scoff at my worry, and jeer or become overly concerned when I start stockpiling food, purchasing massive amounts of shotgun shells. Yes I have been called a 'nut', or 'eccentric', or 'a public threat', but I feel it is my service to you, and to me, to remind and educate about this upcoming zombiacal apocalypse.

I will briefly explain about zombies. You see, zombies are creatures who have been in some way physically and mentally turned towards the sole purpose of killing 'normal' humans and eating their flesh. They do not eat, do not rest, and can often withstand tremendous bodily injury with seemingly no ill effect! I do not speculate on their status of life because it does not necessarily concern me, they may be demonically induced, or virally induced, but what is known is that whatever turns you into one CAN and WILL INFECT YOU IF YOU COME INTO CONTACT WITH THEM. I cannot stress this enough about zombies. They will eat you, if possible, but they will most certainly infect you with zombification.

So what can you do about this zombie plague which WILL happen? You need to run...get out of the city where you live. You cannot trust anyone, because those that may be infected MAY NOT SHOW SYMPTOMS quickly. It is unknown how long until complete zombification occurs after infection, but if you take the precautions of buggering off in a hurry, it won't matter to you. You must have sotarge of food and emergency supplies in a backpack ready for you to grab on your way out. You will need shotguns and lots of shells, plus a sturdy, heavy machete with a handly grip. Plus you will need thick coveralls, boots and face masks to cover yourself from zombie fluids. That way, you can quickly get your zombie attack clothing on, grab your shotgun, machete and backpack, then hack your way to safety.

Where will I go? Truth is, not many places are safe. The one safe place that I can think of is the frozen North. Yup, head north towards ice and cold. You see zombies can live almost anywhere and they are resilient sonsofbitches, plus they are undeterred by almost any obstacles; they WILL NOT, however, take precautions to protect themselves from freezing solid while coming after you in the arctic. They will only get so far before slowing down and turning into a zombie icicle, where you can come back and slaughter them at your leisure while hunting for survivors and food.

Can I ever come back?
Short answer, no. Long answer, hell no.

This entry is the first in a series of Zombie education and attack survival. Questions are greatly appreciated don't hesitate to contact with an survival or zombie related concern.