Reader Response Responding II

Anonymous said...

For the record, yes you are a noisy raucous bunch. But it's not so much the noise I'm blocking out, as it is the noise I'm tuning in. CocoRosie, The Flaming Lips, Fiest or Vinal Café just to name a few of my favorites. Obviously you've never had the pleasure of making your daily trek to wherever it is you need to be, while your favorite beats become the soundtrack to your life. Think about it..... Early morning, 20 minute trek across the commons to get you to your hum drum job in the cold wet snow - cause it's NS in the winter - with Mush-a-boom playing in the background. Or how about watching the local crazies come and go on the bus (talk about a raucous bunch) yelling at the driver, drunk and mumbling to themselves, while Yann Tiersan’s playful La Noyee plays in your ears reminding you that life is beautiful! (See what I'm sayin?)
This is not to say that mp3 players don’t detract from getting to know your neighbor or flirting with the cute girl in the café -which are both equally important to a thriving community- but so does msn and yahoo and facebook and txt messages etc, etc, etc….. In my not-so-humble opinion, we’re all becoming/are cyborgs by way of laptops, mp3s, prosthetic limbs and even pharmaceuticals consistently pervading our bodies and our lives.
Don’t take it personally Mr. blogger, but sometimes the noisy world needs to be shut out for the sake of some beautiful music ;)

-Defensive Mp3 cyborg354785377

Dear Defensive Mp3 cyborg354785377,

I take it very personally. I take it very personally, indeed. Indeed, so very personally I take it, I shall compose a reply. I beg - please take off your headphones for long enough to read it.
My major beef with headphone-wearing walkers is that as a member of their community and - at least for that moment - a presence within their personal space, I feel ignored and jilted, like some kind of insect or shapeless lump of dog feces, to be ignored at best, but most likely sneered upon. Defensive Mp3 cyborg354785377, you call me crazy, drunk and mumbling, to that I declare, sure...perhaps I am. But am I also so low that you would consider me such a nuisance that your only defense against my crazy, drunk, mumbling presence is to shut me out?

I also must point out, that to be truly defensive, one needs to have ones senses about oneself, so one can react if another one preys upon one! Yann Tiersen blaring loudly in your headphones may distract you from the sound of a lurking stranger, terrorist or Jehovah's Witness! These truly are the evils which one must avoid, and you may not be prepared. I need not remind you that the Great Zombie Apocalypse will be coming soon, and you must ready yourself...not absorb yourself in the evocative soundscapes of French neo-classical composers! (Not to make any mention of post-disco folk revivalists!)

You argue that we are becoming cyborgs, and that while MP3 players may perhaps detract from the cognisance of our community fellows, so too does the use of internet tools, mobile phones and the like. I argue that we need to welcome these brilliant and clever human advances. We need to exercise their use with reckless abandon. MP3 players are no doubt the very beginning of sound storage and transmission, like the vinyl press to the CD, but we must not use these tools to shut one another out when they are being created! They must be used responsibly. We live in the Information Age, and what could be more important than information of our neighbours and community members? The snarling, raucous drunk that passes by you may be there one day to help you in some way, if all you would do is smile and say 'Hello!' to him (or her, but statistically, him).

You cannot fight the course of human technological progress, Defensive Mp3 cyborg354785377, but with the help of me, and God and our love for our great nation, we can create a society built off love, and trust, and fellowship and love again. We can make a society that is safe for our babies and kittens and butterflies; where we can all share and make music together, as one family.

And how can you argue with that?

REAL New Job!

Ok. So I am not an underpaid, hungry iron labourer in India. But I could be. But I'm not. I am a comfortable North American who drinks lattes from Starbucks, each one costing the same amount as one of those real iron workers get paid daily.

The truth is, my new job is a little different. I am going to be managing a small garbage removal and salvage business. It's cleverly named 'Junk Removal', just so no one will mistake it for any other business. Like anyone could. Although, I guess it could also mean someone who performs surgeries that turn men into women. And suppose I could do that as well... if that's what it will take to be successful; but I would need an overproof fifth and I wouldn't be happy about doing it.

So basically, I will show up (handsome and well-deported, of course) and cart away your crap. I can also do small yard clean-ups and minor demolition. I sort through your rubbish and salvage anything I can make from it.
Among things I can take are:

1. Shingles
2. Drywall
3. Dirt and wood
4. Old furniture and electronics
5. Appliances
6. Bodies (but must be less than three days dead)
7. Bits
8. Knicks
9. Knacks
10. Odds
11. Ends (but ends must under 2500lbs)

Tipping fees and hourly rates apply of course. And we are not responsible for property damage or client and customer bodily injury or death; nor to pets or children. We also do not indemnify for any other destruction or legal costs pursuant to any employee actions.

As it is I have been imparted to one end, and that is to make this company a success; so I will do whatever I have to make some money and drum up business. So prepare to be deluged with Junk Removal flyers and signs, Halifax! I am here to stay, you bastards! Yee HAW and GOD BLESS AMERICA!

New Job!

I have started on my new job, these fine fellows are my co-workers and we are just finishing up a job before we cut off for lunch break. In the foreground, Ahmed is having troubles with his wife, she wants to take his vacation money and put it into term deposit savings or top up his pension plan for the year, but he wants to take his wife and kids to Florida for a little R and R, maybe visit Disney World. Oh, that Ahmed! It's always something with him!

So I am now an ironworker, and my job is to haul that molten metal and pour it into castings to make manhole covers. The work is so dirty sometimes I have to change my loincloth twice a day! On the upside my feet are like leather sandals, and I have eliminated the need for wearing shoes.

So when you are walking over a manhole cover, think 'Shaktheir San Kirthanyama Industries 195732-537' and think QUALITY!

Relaxing Spa

This the funniest thing I have seen today...but its only quarter after eight. I have some high expectations for the day. Watch the whole thing, you won't understand the first part (unles you speak Japanese) but it will become clear.


We Know Its A Repost... - Watch more free videos

Three things and headphones.

So I have been working on a potential new job. I will let everyone know about that later and give full details.
Suffice to say, it involves me dealing with everyones crap.

I was up this morning having my morning coffee thinking about things to write about in my blog and I would like to address three issues.

1. My new blog layout. As it turns out, a couple people don't like it. Here is the problem. As I looked at the font I was using in my last blog layout... the classic and ubiquitous 'Times Serif' I found myself looking at a font so uptight and proper that it was actually affecting my gentle, subtle, yet humourous writing style. What I wanted to portray to all of my beloved readers was that I was hip, and cool and relaxed. That I could, you know, get down and boogaloo with all you cats and chicks. So I desired a softer and generic san serif font, which I find more able to be read.

Initially I intended to change the font and some colours on the blog altogether, however I ran into some considerable resistence from Bloggers web-based weblog logarithms set within my chosen template. Basically I was stymied by some glitch in the system. I do, for the record, like the general layout of the last blog layout, but because I felt the font and colours were not representative of my new and hip attitude, I switched. Perhaps you can get used it? I don't know. I will be more than happy to bring back the old layout as soon as I can figure out how to properly format it. If not I still may bring it back, even with the old font... Because That Is How Much I Love My Readers!

2. I have tracked down an 'Adam Halliday' that actually lives not only in my great city, Halifax, but within my neighbourhood! I have been busy gathering information about him and will contact him soon. Remember...THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE (possibly two).

3. I have been doing some writing as per a request that was made for me...it will be in several parts. Keep your eyes out for it.

One last thing I suppose. You know, from time to time I see people walking down the street glaring ahead with their headphones of varying shape and size, and I think 'man, I am glad for those people!' I mean, if it wasn't for those people then who would there be to tune me and the rest of the world out? Because boy, oh boy, we certainly are a noisey, raucous bunch. Kudos, I say.

How Much I Love My Readers

I changed the look of the blog..it was very difficult and arduous, but That Is How Much I Love My Readers! Please let me know if you like or not, and your comments will be dutifully responded to and considered carefully. Because That Is How Much I Love My Readers...

Because of the confusion regarding my exciting Adam's Heat Transfer Theory I am working on a mathematical formula to help people visualise its application for everyday use. It is still in expirementation stage....just hold your horses and it will be out soon.

By the way, through shameless and relentless self promotion, this blog is 7th when you google my name. 6th is my Hospitality Club profile. I can only be first, possibly second. I will begin hunting down the other Adam Halliday's and taking punitive measures to ensure they never appear online ever again, ever. Because - everyone say it with me - That Is How Much I Love My Readers!

Things you may not have known about Zombies:
1. They smell like old eggs and cabbage.
2. They possess almost no sense of humour and will react adversely if you laugh at them.
3. Zombie turd can also infect you, so don't step in it.
4. Tae Kwon Do kicks to a Zombies head won't affect them too badly, so its best not to even try.

I appreciate your comments. Keep them coming. Or how about sending them in the first place, okay?

Reader Response Responding: Adam's Heat Transfer Theory

"Anonymous said...

heaticles and coldicles interesting theory laddie, but a hink ur talking utter pash obviously hot is hot and cold is feckin cold so there ya fanny next time ye blabber such nonsense i'll be round tae gee ye the malky

November 11, 2007 3:04 AM"

Well, far from the support I expected from the dissemination of my new and exciting theory I created, Adam's Heat Transfer Theory, I recieved a message of deep personal rancour and disbelief; not to mention what I can only guess is a threat to inflict bodily harm upon me.

I do not wish to lower myself to such reprobationary words and threats, I will feel sorry for and pity our Dear Reader, whom, comfortable in his last bastion of inscience lashes out at the progress of science and humanity. My attempts to raise humankind past itself, to save itself from aimlessly wandering in the depths of superstition and irrationality is sometimes met with fear and misunderstanding or reactionary invectives.

Yes, Dear Reader, hot IS hot, and cold IS cold, but past your superficial understanding of the physical world, is another deeper world metaphysical in size and scope which needs to be understood before mental progress can begin. Lift yourself past these barriers of smug relative reasoning and you will find a grand world of knowledge and understanding shining bright on the shadows of your own misunderstanding!

From time to time I receive these kinds of hurtful words. I am becoming rather used to it since I began blogging. I say "cold and heat is the interplay between heaticles and coldicles" and in reply "thats utter nonsense, and if you repeat that again I will beat you about your head"; so like all revolutionary free-thinkers I must suffer for the truth and in defense of my views. As an ethical and moral creature and a patron of science and knowledge, this is the only way.

I pray for you Dear Sir or Madam.

Zombie Education

After a few days in a funk, I am back. Something has been on my mind for a while, something that I had let slip, something I had perhaps become too complacent with. Yes, for those who know me, know me as one who knows quite a bit about the Great Zombie Threat!

I spent too long worrying about the dull minutiae of my life for the last year or so, distracted to the real dark worry of my life, and that is zombies. People typically scoff at my worry, and jeer or become overly concerned when I start stockpiling food, purchasing massive amounts of shotgun shells. Yes I have been called a 'nut', or 'eccentric', or 'a public threat', but I feel it is my service to you, and to me, to remind and educate about this upcoming zombiacal apocalypse.

I will briefly explain about zombies. You see, zombies are creatures who have been in some way physically and mentally turned towards the sole purpose of killing 'normal' humans and eating their flesh. They do not eat, do not rest, and can often withstand tremendous bodily injury with seemingly no ill effect! I do not speculate on their status of life because it does not necessarily concern me, they may be demonically induced, or virally induced, but what is known is that whatever turns you into one CAN and WILL INFECT YOU IF YOU COME INTO CONTACT WITH THEM. I cannot stress this enough about zombies. They will eat you, if possible, but they will most certainly infect you with zombification.

So what can you do about this zombie plague which WILL happen? You need to run...get out of the city where you live. You cannot trust anyone, because those that may be infected MAY NOT SHOW SYMPTOMS quickly. It is unknown how long until complete zombification occurs after infection, but if you take the precautions of buggering off in a hurry, it won't matter to you. You must have sotarge of food and emergency supplies in a backpack ready for you to grab on your way out. You will need shotguns and lots of shells, plus a sturdy, heavy machete with a handly grip. Plus you will need thick coveralls, boots and face masks to cover yourself from zombie fluids. That way, you can quickly get your zombie attack clothing on, grab your shotgun, machete and backpack, then hack your way to safety.

Where will I go? Truth is, not many places are safe. The one safe place that I can think of is the frozen North. Yup, head north towards ice and cold. You see zombies can live almost anywhere and they are resilient sonsofbitches, plus they are undeterred by almost any obstacles; they WILL NOT, however, take precautions to protect themselves from freezing solid while coming after you in the arctic. They will only get so far before slowing down and turning into a zombie icicle, where you can come back and slaughter them at your leisure while hunting for survivors and food.

Can I ever come back?
Short answer, no. Long answer, hell no.

This entry is the first in a series of Zombie education and attack survival. Questions are greatly appreciated don't hesitate to contact with an survival or zombie related concern.

My banjo video!

My first Youtube video! OK! Its not the best, but I think you gonna enjoy it for what it is! I will work on some songs and perform them for everybody!

Adam's Heat Transfer Theory

Once again I am making the first heroic step forward for humanity and putting forth a new theory of thermodynamics. It will be named after Sir Isaac Newton and henceforth be called Adam's Heat Transfer Theory. (It's named after Sir Isaac Newton because if he had lived in this age, he would have no doubt wanted to be me.)

Within the small and unused spaces between the particles in all of existence a battle rages. It's a battle of enormity and scope completely unknown in human thought. It involves all of the universe (known and unknown); and not only does it rage around us, it also rages within us! When we sleep, eat, or make a doody, our bodies are host to a vast battlefield with tanks, AK47's, swords and knifes and even brass knuckles and sheleleigh's!

Have you ever stared at coffee cup wondering why the heat dissipates from it? Or wondered at the majesty of a giant tire dump fire? "What is going on here?" you ask yourself.
Well Adam's Heat Transfer Theory is whats going on. And it impacts on every part of life.



Its the battle between hot and cold. since the beginning of existence God created hot and cold in form of two enemies, which due only to my exhaustive research and insight, we now know are called Heaticles and Coldicles. These two enemies were given dominion over temperature, however they were unable to agree upon an adequate temperature for the universe and since then war broke out.


The Heaticle


The Heaticle typically musters where there is fire and burning things, like campfires, suns, cigarette lighters and rug burns. The Heaticle is pretty fast and enjoys going fast, so it will typically attach itself to fast moving things.



The Coldicle


The Coldicle makes its HQ in icebergs, refrigerators, Slurpees and the emptiness of space. The Coldicle is typically more slow moving and tends to slow things down.



Battlefields


Battles are waged in every conceivable space and in the small pitched battles, there is typically a clear winner and loser. But the war can never be won. Which brings me to comment on the sad and hopeless plight of these things. How is it that a clear winner ever be decided, as their existence is dependant on no other outside factors except themselves! They could not exist without each other. Ask any Coldicle and he will tell you he has been fighting the Heaticles since the beginning...and he can't remember why; only that he is willing to die for the war. Ask a Heaticle and they will say the same thing.

Too sad.

Well, I appreciate your comments and money for the development of my theories.