Here's to garbage in your eye!

I had garbage splashed onto my face yesterday, and I didn't take it very well. I was flinging bags of recycling/garbage that I got from the Halifax Shopping Centre - a task I do for my boss and his recycling business - when some liquids and solids, presumably stale coffee, soda backwash and a horrible chunky mixture of strawberry, chocolate and regular milk spurted out from one of the bags onto my face.

It happened in slow motion, Matrix-style. I could see the droplets of filth hurling through the air toward me, but unlike Matrix-style, I was stunned and powerless to avoid it. Paralyzed with fear, I felt the first globule of pestilence hit my upper lip and like a cluster of heat seeking missiles the bulk of awfulness followed suit. I swear some of it actually changed trajectory in mid-air.

It was a devastating attack, I got it in my right eye, over my face and my workshirt.

I started to scream and I fell to my knees and shaking my hands wildly, my co-workers must have thought I had lost an eye or something.

Co-worker: What happened, Adam?! What the hell is wrong with you?
Me: A bag broke open and some of the filthy strawberry, chocolate and regular milk, and soda backwash and old coffee from the Halifax Shopping Centre recycling pick-up we did not more than half an hour ago flew onto my face and eyeball!!! OH MY GOD!
(I have to add that at the time I paraphrased all that and simply said 'SUNOFABIIIIIITCH!')
Co-worker: Quit your belly-aching, you poof.
Me: WAHHHHHHH!
Co-worker: Go wash it out before you get typhus, or pink-eye. And never touch me again, you're dirty and tainted.
Me: WAHHHHHHH!

Despite my hysterics, I made it to the bathroom and thoroughly scrubbed my face and eyeball, but I could not seem to scrub hard enough and for the rest of the day I felt unclean. After burning my clothes and hair clippings and an old tire and a can of WD-40 for good measure, I still felt really, deeply horrible. There just wasn't enough soap in the world.

Homage to Me, Adam Halliday

Some time back, I wrote to all my beloved Readers, informing them of my new and exciting scientific theory that's taking the physics crowd by storm. Heaticles and Coldicles. Having gazed at them with my own eyes under a delicate viewing instrument I fabricated from a coke bottle and an old pair of glasses I found in someone's yard, I drew an accurate picture of what they looked like. Some of you may remember this, but for the others - here it is.
The battle still rages, in this exciting depiction created by me.



So today as I deftly dodged both work and studying, I was viewing material on the internets (as I sometimes do) and I found this photo!


Can you imagine my surprise when I found that a furniture designer had taken my drawings and turned it into a remarkably innovative bed concept! I was of course first instantly irritated that I had not thought to capitalise off my theory by concieving such a unique piece of furniture myself, but after further contemplation I am happy to let it be a loving homage to yours truly. While she does not acknowledge me directly, or in any other way, I can only assume my creative spirit was working in her heart when she designed what I shall call the "Adam's Theory of Heat Transfer Settee"

I briefly researched the cost of this item so I might happily lounge upon it like the young lady in the picture is doing; unfortunately, they require all manner of information I was not willing to divulge before they will tell you the price - which leads me to believe that it costs $31,674.25.

Here is the website if you are inclined to find out.